Ten tiny toes are becoming bigger.

I look at you and realize I’m growing, too.

The last few years moved swiftly.

And yet, here we are quietly rocking.

I look down at you and see my newborn

And all at once, I realize this may be the last.

 

The last time that I hold you in this rocking chair.

You spill out of my lap and overflow both my heart and lap with love.

You tell of your fear of dangerous trolls

And I spend minutes upon minutes promising you that there are no evil trolls.

I’d spend hours if you needed me to because I see how I am your calm.

 

How can I keep us on this track?

Where you’ll hold my hand and hug me back?

How can I make sure that you’ll want me to comfort you when you’re fourteen.

Is that possible?

I look at you. Your dimpled hands are fading into that of a boy.

And I cannot speak.

 

When will be the lasts? Will I know them?

The last time you let me snuggle you to sleep.

The last time I’m able to carry you.

The last time I’ll bathe you

or sing you our song?

At some point, I’ll shut the door to your childhood room, and you’ll no longer need me.

 

And yet, I am so grateful that you’re growing.

Motherhood is a constant puzzle of give and take.

I love you.

__________

Thanks to Little Sapling Toys for our Wooden Tool Toy Set (on sale for $18).

Ollie is wearing all Old Navy & Saltwater sandals, both brands we love and trust.