(This post was initially posted in November 2014)

Today marks the end of National Adoption Month. Last year I wrote this post. Since then it has become one of my most pinned posts. I am grateful for this, not because I don’t love the posts shared about my pregnancy or how to become a better writer, but rather, I’m grateful that this topic that I’m passionate about is gaining traction.

Call it small miracles, divine influence, chance, or luck, but during this month, two different families reached out to me asking me about adoption and my experience with it, as they prepare to adopt.

Further, I received my DNA results from ancestry.com. The results revealed I am nowhere near the ethnicity that I thought I was. I found a couple of different second cousins through the DNA results and many third and fourth cousins. Something ignited in me when I saw my results in the backseat of my dad’s car, sandwiched next to my son’s carseat.

This is it. It’s time to find my birth mother and biologically half siblings. All my fears disappeared in that moment. Don’t worry they’ve returned, but rather than full-out fear, I have confident anxiety, if that is a thing.

I tried calling the California office that once housed my social worker, but with the LDS Social Services change in adoption policy within the U.S., the number that I called did not know what to do with me. She said that she knew they still had my records, but she wasn’t sure who to direct me to. Thus, she said she’d call me back. A week later–no response.

I’ll end with this: my adoption is the single greatest thing that has ever happened to me. If you are considering placing a baby for adoption, know that my birth mother did me a huge service. It was selfless and brave.

Yes, I have abandonment issues, and I have worked through them, but honestly, they are so absolutely worth the family that I gained. They are worth the stability, the love, the kindness. My sisters have never treated me differently, despite being my parents’ biological children. I love my sisters, and they love me. We are best friends. My mom and dad have loved me in an unparalleled way. 

This month did not mean that I was able to crank out adoption posts like I wanted. However, it was a month of quiet reflection for me, and a month filled with opportunity to share my story–rather our story, since my parents are a huge part of all of this.

I have no gap in my life that I am trying to fill, but I think it is time to say thank you to my birth mother:

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to have a beautiful life. Thank you for allowing yourself to move forward. I love you, and I know that you love me–because honestly, I know that it took a lot of love for you to allow me to be adopted by my loving parents.

I can’t wait to tell you that face-to-face or even in a letter.